PERFECTIONISM

Perfectionism leads to undue stress, because perfection is an unattainable goal.  By setting the standard at perfect, you will set yourself up to fail.  Perfectionists tend to be their own worst critic; they are harder on themselves than anyone else is on them, and they are also critical of others.  These individuals are described as neat and organized, seeming to “have it all together” and to be able to do more than most people and do it exceptionally well.  Often people envy perfectionistic people because they seem very confident and competent; however, individuals who are perfectionist never feel good enough and often feel out of control in their lives.

  People who are perfectionists focus on what they have not accomplished or haven’t done right rather than on what they have completed or have done well.  Making mistakes feels especially humiliating to persons who are perfectionistic, and they tend to feel a strong sense of shame and low self-esteem when someone catches them in error.  They have difficulty with criticism or any negative feedback as much of their self-esteem is based upon being accurate, competent, and being the best.  While striving to do your best is an admirable quality, expecting to be perfect in everything you do and never making a mistake places a great deal of stress and pressure on yourself.

In alleviating the stress of perfectionism, it is helpful to develop your self-esteem from who you are rather than what you do.  This involves accepting yourself and others unconditionally, including the imperfections.  Lowering your expectations of yourself and others and aiming for 80% rather than 100% is another strategy in battling perfectionism.  Notice what you are doing well and have accomplished rather than what is still left to do.  Time management strategies can be useful in managing your expectations of yourself.  Push yourself to take risks and allow yourself to make mistakes.  It can be useful to make mistakes on purpose in order to get accustomed to this experience and realize that people still like and accept you and nothing bad will happen.  Relaxation and stress management techniques can also help alleviate the stress that comes with perfectionism.